Relationship Guidance for the ESTP
The Keys to Having Long-Lasting ESTP Relationships
ESTP relationships can best be thought of as action-packed. Not so much in a thrilling way, but in the sense that a lot of activities will be carried out in the span of a relationship. This Myers-Briggs character is described as being extraverted, sensing, thinking, and perceiving. This personality type is found in roughly four percent of the population. ESTP relationships are rarely dull and as such, would be most suitable for individuals who can appreciate the fun of impulsive action.
ESTP individuals display extraverted sensing as a dominant function. In society, this type of person is likely to be labeled as a “doer.” “Doers” primarily focus their energy on the environment around them. They use their basic senses to pull information from their surroundings and then process the data internally via a logical, objective system. This natural “people person” gets along well with others and is probably the first to strike up a conversation with a stranger. By nature, a “doer” is not likely to cower from the idea of rejection because this individual is all about taking risks. Their motto is likely to be something along the lines of, “If you don’t try, nothing will definitely happen. If you do try, you stand the chance that something might occur.”
ESTP is prone to making impulsive decisions. They often feel that the best answer is to jump in and get it over with. The impulse to “do” is so strong in this individual that they may not take the time to properly consider all pertinent information or wait to see if new information will come to light. ESTP is definitely the type of individual who could easily fall into money trouble, especially if they have the opportunity to gamble. Spending large amounts of money (or spending money that they don’t have) can be a serious side effect of their impulsive nature. Although the need for action can certainly get this sort of person into a sticky situation every once in a while, for the most part their willingness to work and the desire to bask in the satisfaction of a completed task will serve them quite well.
To an outsider, ESTP is confident, upbeat, and stylish. A “doer” tends to have a wonderful storyteller-like aura that can lure others into a conversation. They often have a very expressive face and may use hand gestures to help convey a description or gain a person’s attention. Their theatrical nature paired with quick wittedness enables ESTP to improvise at the drop of a hat – a gift that they may use in order to get what they want. They also have the ability to read another person’s emotions and personality very well and can predict the next phase in a conversation. If necessary (or if the individual does not have a well-developed sense of right and wrong), ESTP will use this ability to guide a person into saying or doing what they want.
ESTP is an energetic and fun personality that draws people like a moth to the light. Their enthusiasm to act can be contagious and is very helpful in a work environment or romantic relationship. The “doer” likely has many talents and may be viewed as a sort of Renaissance man or woman. If they tap into the right well of interest and knowledge, they can achieve astounding feats.
An ESTP relationship, even that which does not work out, is never boring. This personality has a great sense of humor and is virtually fearless when it comes to approaching people. Metaphorically speaking, they could charm the birds from the trees, and this gift is a wonderful tool to use in the dating field. People who find it difficult to initiate a conversation with a stranger are naturally drawn to ESTP because this person does all the work in a seemingly flawless way. They tend to have a great sense of humor which can serve as an ice-breaker during moments of awkwardness or slow progression. ESTP’s fondness for making the most of every moment will likely lead to a quickly developing relationship.
This type of personality can certainly have a long-lasting relationship, but this isn’t typically something that ESTP is looking for. They like to take things day by day to see what new and exciting opportunities may arise. This can also mean that ESTP will keep his or her eyes open for an alternative companion if the current relationship does not meet their needs for excitement and action. As this personality is not particularly good at expressing emotions, they may not take the time to explain their feelings of unhappiness to a partner and instead may simply end the relationship if a better opportunity arises. Never one to waste a moment, ESTPs tend to end a relationship quickly if they feel that it is not satisfying or has become boring.
When part of a mutually satisfying relationship, ESTP can be very loving. A “doer” may not express his or her feelings verbally, but instead may use gift-giving as a way to express their love or affection. They try to add an element of fun to any experience or job, even something as common as yard work. When an emergency situation arises this individual can be counted on to remain alert and calm. They will do whatever needs to be done in order to sort the issue. As a parent, the “doer” does not take a structured approach to raising children. In fact, this persona is much like a big kid and will happily spend hours-on-end playing with their children. The “doer” doesn’t usually have an issue with administering punishment but will often avoid “teaching a lesson” until the situation calls for it.
Compatible Personality Types
ISTJ (introverted, sensing, thinking, judging) and ISFJ (introverted, sensing, feeling, judging) personalities seem to get along best with a “doer.” These personalities are primarily led by an introverted sensing factor which allows them to share a preference for facts and concrete evidence. ESTP tends not to do as well with highly emotion-based individuals because they aren’t very sensitive or supportive of the feelings of others. ISTJ and ISFJ personalities are similar in this respect and do not require a great deal of emotional feedback in order to be happy. The judging traits in these personalities serve as the yin to ESTP’s yang. These companions would be able to pick up the tasks that a “doer” find too boring and provide structure where it is lacking.
You love the idea of being with someone but the thought of making a long-term commitment is comparable to diving into icy waters – shocking and a little suffocating. You are happiest when you aren’t expected to remain within the strict parameters of a committed relationship. That is not to say that you can’t be loyal, but you probably prefer that a relationship remain casual until you have decided whether it suits you or not. You are perfectly happy to have a companion with whom you can laugh, spend enjoyable moments with, explore new terrain, and fulfil your enthusiasm for physical affection. You certainly aren’t looking to act as an emotional babysitter and attempting to do so will only make you unhappy.
Your impulsiveness may or may not be under control. If you find that you spend money without thought or you impulsively buy extravagant gifts for friends and family members, then you may want to consider how this might negatively impact a partner. Even if you are only dating, displaying this kind of rash decision-making with finances could mark you as irresponsible in the eyes of a potential companion. Even other free spirits need to some form of security, so try to keep your spending habits down to a smaller, more respectable level.
You might not feel threatened by conflict, but ESTPs tend to avoid it simply out of ignorance. They may not realize that a partner is trying to broach an important subject. Ignoring a problem may feel like a good solution but it will not solve the underlying issue. With a bit of training you can learn to pay attention to the signs indicating that your partner needs to talk. Genuinely listen to what they have to say and challenge your problem-solving skills to rise to the task. Once you and your companion have reached a suitable solution your “doer” trait should have no problem jumping to action.
Tips for Dating an ESTP Personality
One of the most notorious problems with ESTP relationships is that the “doer” can easily become bored. Boredom will eventually lead this person to sniff around for a more exciting companion and then end the relationship. In order to keep your mate from losing interest in you, it is important that you show enthusiasm whenever your companion suggests a new adventure. Disinterest will not only make you appear boring to a “doer” but it can also be interpreted as laziness. Above all, your companion values the ability to act and accomplish things, so prove to them that you are a capable and practical partner who still knows how to have a good time.
Your “doer” companion does not like to feel bound by schedules, plans, and long-term issues. For this sort of person all priorities lie in the present. If you are a planner by nature then you may feel incomplete or even anxious by tossing aside this need to prepare for the long-term. Try to keep this impulse a bit more personal. You should be able to carry out your own plans for the future without sticking it into your mate’s face. If you are comfortable with the idea of living in the present then by all means do so! Just remember that two similar-minded individuals (at least in this respect) may drift into totally different interests and your impulses may lead you down different paths. Try to come up with exciting hobbies or activities that you and your companion can do together so that you don’t drift completely apart.